Minnesota Nice

I have had in my possession for the last ten months or so a copy of the New York Times, dated September 12, 2001. An hour ago I finally read parts of it, for the first time.

It is important sometimes to remember, and also important sometimes to forget. Flipping through the pages of this paper, seeing some photos for the first time, reading about the destruction and replaying my memories of that day, has reminded me of things that for me, and especially for certain people at my college, are best left forgotten.

Though I have made my peace with the tragedy, and I have seen innumerable examples of kindness from my fellow Americans and humans, the callous and insensitive words and attitudes of some people at my college still scrapes at my insides. Even now (and I assure you this is not due solely to the heat), I'm sweating profusely and having trouble putting my thoughts down just thinking about these people.

Like I said earlier, sometimes it's good to remember and sometimes it isn't. I'm still struggling with whether I can forget certain incidents and therefore forgive these people. After all, they really had no idea the scope, the magnitude of the tragedy.

There was a long pause between the end of the last sentence and the beginning of this one. Ever since that day, I've had a lot more trouble justifying whatever I do. How can I complain about my poor treatment by boorish Minnesotans? I am alive. I did not have to, was not subjected to the horrors of being downtown that day. This whole blog thing is worthless. I was in counseling for a long time to learn how to not beat myself up, and it all seems like such a crock of shit. Do a search on this webpage and see what percentage of the total number of words the word "I" takes up. How many sentences begin with "I"? In my dumb, idiotic, fucked up, petty way, I wish I had been in "the jaws of hell" as one reporter called it. It would at least give me a valid reason for whining. See, there I go again. There's just no end to it, I should shut the fuck up right now.

I had originally signed on to write something good about how maybe on September 11, 2002, I will do my best to show people that I care about them. I will remember the tragedy and do my best to help others. I will forgive and forget.

but no. I highly doubt I will forgive and forget. Maybe I will show my loved ones and my friends that I care. Maybe I will seek the company of other New Yorkers in an attempt to find some meaing somewhere. But I will not forgive or forget these few boorish Minnesotans. I do not hate all Minnesotans or Midwesterners or even Georgians. I may say I hate them, but really, it's hard to feel anything one way or the other towards individuals about whom you know nothing. I can generalize about people, but I usually try hard not to. After all, I did see a very touching letter from a little Georgian girl at Ground Zero. We're all in it together as Americans, as human beings. All of us except for those of you who aren't with us. If I see any of you Boorish Minnesotans on September 11, 2002, acting in any manner that I find objectionable, I will do what I should have done a year before. I give my word that you'll get what's coming to you.